'Cause blinded, I was.. blindsided.

And here I am again. Back to square one. Thinking about you. Stupid, stupid me. It's been two years since I've last seen you and only three months since I've last talked to you on AIM. It's so strange to think how inseparable we were back then. People used to joke about us being a couple and I secretly liked it. We only talk once a year, and that's just to say happy birthday to each other. I can't forget what we had. Our friendship and the memories. You were my first love, and my only love. You live only 10 miles away from me, yet it feels like it would take a lifetime to see you again. Maybe I'll see you again in a reunion or something cheesy like that. I'd never go to one of those things, but for you, I would do anything.

I still remember the pain and agony I suffered for the past two years and now.. I feel numb. It's relieving yet scary to think that these feelings I had for you are fading away. But like a patient just awakening from their coma, I knew you meant something. You meant the world to me, but I can't quite seem to remember how or why it came to this. This tragic ending. When I said good night to you on my driveway, I had no idea it would be the last time I would see you. July 16, 2008. No other date had such a painful history for me. Losing your first love. Not even having the chance to tell them how you truly felt.

It was 8th grade. I barely realized I was into girls. She woke me up and made me feel who I really am. I wish she would come back and wake me up again. I feel like a zombie. No emotional attachments to anyone. No meaningful friendships. Nothing. Just a ghost. I wish I was a ghost. I could go back in time and just watch our story unfold again. Please. I thought I was over you. But now I have finally understood that these things just stay with you, no matter the time or the distance. You left a mark and I'll always love you.

have you forgotten how to love yourself?

Why does it always come down to this? You try your best, yet it's never enough for someone. Instead of thanking you for trying, she gives you shit and all you do is swallow your anger and pride because you don't want to add fuel to the fire. Let her misunderstand everything. She doesn't want to listen. She just wants to be right. You're not her little daughter anymore, you're just a stranger. To everyone, even to yourself.